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Katie's 30th Birthday

You started off as Katie

And sometimes Katie-Jane

But often it was Katherine

‘Cause you could be a pain.


Our first babe was an angel

Our second one was not

By night she was a terror

Who hollered in her cot.


Nail varnished our nice bedspread

Of orange candlewick

Sniffed a can of weedkiller

Thank God that you weren’t sick.


Your fashion sense came early

With pop socks and Mum’s shoes

But then you changed to Gothic black

Backed by those Indie blues.


Your bedroom was a picture

Some sights hid from our eyes

You should have kept it as it was

And won a Turner prize


You tried your toes at ballet

But riding it was best

Until a pony left on you

A hoof print on your chest.


At Clevedon Comp and Weston

Foundations for your art

But Sheffield then was not so fine -

It almost broke your heart.


Your ceramics are amazing

First class your pottery

So why’d you go and sell that mask

To Sally call me V?


In Park Street you were quick to shine

And later at the Mall

When H&M said you were great

We weren’t surprised at all.


You’ve fitted stores out near and far

Your forte is display

They’ve even seen your dextrous touch

In the U.S. of A.


So now you’ve won promotion

And still not thirty yet

Ah, yes, that’s why I wrote this pome

I’m old so I forget.


Enjoy your landmark birthday

Take Marc off to Torbay

And after all this rhyming

I’ve one more thing to say.


With presents I’ve no problem

Disc players they are fine

But lasers and bikinis?

Now there I draw the line.

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